


Let Go

by justanothernerdgirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Character death at the very end, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Modern AU, mentions of Gwen/Lancelot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1326874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernerdgirl/pseuds/justanothernerdgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Throughout their entire lives, Merlin and Arthur have a hard time letting go of each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Character death happens naturally of old age at the end of the story. I leave a lot to be implied on purpose, but if you want me to expand more just leave a comment below. First draft so creative criticism is fine but be kind.  
> Also, at one point, the characters talk about choices. This is NOT referring to sexuality. I realize sexuality is not a choice.

“Arthur! It’s mine!” Merlin said, pulling the toy dragon away from his best friend. “Arthur!”

“I just want to see it, _Mer_ lin! C’mon!” Arthur was pulling the toy away from Merlin with equal force.

“It’s going to break, let go!”

But Arthur didn’t, until the rip of a seam hung heavy in the air, and Merlin fell back with a thud, trying to repair it to the best of his ability. He held his hand over where the stuffing was falling out and ran to his house without another word to Arthur.

Arthur sat down and cried.

* * *

 

Arthur rounded the corner of the high school hallway, having finished soccer practice early and wanting to catch Merlin off guard when Merlin finished his Community Service Club meeting. He picked up his pace a bit but then froze as he saw Merlin being pushed forcefully against a locker. Arthur’s blood boiled and he was about to start a fight when the curly haired boy started kissing Merlin frantically. And Merlin kissed back, pulling the boy in further.

Arthur’s face flushed and, embarrassingly enough, his cock twitched slightly. His hormones were raging, as they tended to do in sixteen year old boys, and he felt so many different things that his head spun in the nonsense of the situation. Merlin, _his_ Merlin, was kissing a _boy._ And rather passionately and publicly at that.

He wasn’t allowed! It was a boy and it was public and it was…well, it wasn’t him. Arthur decided not to focus too much on that last thought as he approached the couple and cleared his throat only once before the asshole separated from Merlin, eyes wide, and backed up quickly. He ran off without a word to Merlin.

Arthur turned to his best friend, whose eyes were narrowed although Arthur thought he saw him shaking slightly. Merlin tried to follow the other boy but Arthur grabbed his jacket quickly before he could do so.

“LET GO, Arthur!”

“Who was _that?_ ” Arthur demanded.

“His name is Mordred! We’ve been….it’s complicated. It’s none of your business!”

“You’re my best friend. Damn right it’s my business!”

“And what are you going to do? Beat it out of me? Like you beat it out of Mordred’s last boyfriend?”

“WHAT?”

“You and your team can be real jerks, Arthur. Just…stay away from me and Mordred. He’s my choice.”

“Your choice?”

“Yes.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that if you can’t accept us then you better just let me go, Arthur. Just let go.”

Arthur straightened then, looking at his best friend’s eyes, which looked like they did the first time they had watched Titanic together to see what the fuss was about. They were angry and sad and most of all, pleading. Pleading with life or Arthur or what, Arthur didn’t know. But he did pull Merlin in closer, still hanging onto his jacket, and embraced him. Merlin tried wiggling out of it at first but then gave in and hugged Arthur back.

“You don’t hate me?”

“No, you idiot. I wish you had told me”

“Your…your friends…I didn’t…”

“ _Mer_ lin” Arthur said forcefully “You’re my choice.”

They walked back to Merlin’s quietly, where Hunith would be waiting with dinner and a few scoldings over Arthur bringing so much mud from the field into the house and when did he get bruised up so badly and questions about how school is going and the same eyes as Merlin watching over him as he finished his homework before heading reluctantly home to Uther.

Arthur couldn’t imagine losing Merlin, ever. Merlin just wasn’t allowed to run off. Because he needed him, though he’d never admit it. At least not to the idiot’s face. Plus, actually having a mother to worry over him was really nice, especially with Uther’s recent prodding over college and reputation.

“He’s not that good looking” Arthur finally said about halfway home.

“What?”

“I’m just saying, you could do better.” Arthur nudged Merlin playfully and Merlin pushed him back. After a bit more shoving, Merlin ran ahead laughing, and Arthur chased him all the way home.

* * *

Merlin set dinner down at the table as Arthur entered the house, throwing his coat across the room and slamming his briefcase down on the table. The noise made Merlin flinch slightly and he treaded carefully into the living room of their apartment.

“Arthur?” Merlin quietly approached him as Arthur ran his hands through his hair looking at the mess he had just created. His whole body was tense, like it was holding itself together or it would break at any moment. “Arthur?”

Arthur looked at Merlin, and smiled slightly, moving in to hug his boyfriend and kiss him hello. The hug was tense but it melted him a bit.

“Dinner’s on the table, love.” Merlin whispered, running his hands up and down his boyfriend’s back in a soothing way.

“Sorry, Merls, not tonight. I just need to lie down. I’m really just not hungry.” Merlin looked a little hurt, but he nodded and moved to put the dishes away. Arthur began stripping his suit and tie, moving toward the bedroom at a slow but determined pace.

            Merlin sighed as he put the dishes back in the cabinet and the meat into the fridge. Working at his father’s company was taking a bigger toll on Arthur everyday, and Merlin hated it, though Arthur’s passion for the law firm prevented him from suggesting Arthur quit again. He was making a difference, but convincing people to change their perspective and working without his father’s support was hard, Merlin knew.

            Soon, the kitchen was cleared and Merlin slipped out of his sweatshirt, sliding into bed next to Arthur in only his sweatpants. Arthur was curled on his side, holding Kilgarrah close, the dragon that the prat had broken when they were kids and that Hunith had sewed back up with love. He didn’t want Merlin to see, but tears were escaping faster than he could hold them back with thick breaths.

            Merlin kissed his way down Arthur’s spine and pushed Arthur gently onto his stomach, kneading his hands into Arthur’s shoulders, massaging him. Merlin straddled Arthur’s ass, which turned him on more than he cared to admit, and focused on soothing his boyfriend with kisses and words and a good rub down.

            Merlin worked his way through Arthur’s muscles, slightly less defined than his younger athletic days but still beautiful, silently naming them as his medical school education made him prone to do. Eventually, Arthur softened beneath him, and Merlin rolled off of him, lying on his side, and watching as Arthur eventually moved to face him.

            “thank you” Arthur murmured quietly, leaning forward to kiss Merlin tenderly. His heart lifted just as it had the first time and every time after. He wasn’t complete without Merlin, it had always been that way, and kissing Merlin felt like walking into Hunith’s house for the first time and being hugged by a mother and it felt like chasing Merlin home after some snide comment Merlin threw at him and it felt like the first morning Arthur realized the only way he could face the world is if he’s able to wake up to Merlin’s eyes.

            Merlin deepened the kiss hesitantly and Arthur responded eagerly. After that, Merlin took control, taking Arthur’s wrist and kissing it before moving his way down his neck and bare chest and running his tongue along the waistband of Arthur’s boxers. Arthur shivered slightly and arched as Merlin tugged them down and took Arthur into his mouth. He licked and sucked and used all of his favorite tricks, everything he knew made Arthur whimper and moan and relax.

            “Merlin” Arthur begged “Merlin wait. Would you…ride me? Please?

            Merlin looked up at Arthur from where he held him on his tongue and smiled as he released Arthur’s cock. He moved his lips up to Arthur’s and replied “of course” before reaching into the drawer of the night stand, still holding Arthur’s eyes.

            “You think you’re so smooth, don’t you _Mer_ lin?” Arthur snarked breathlessly. Merlin flipped the bottle in his hand before opening it and rubbing it expertly onto Arthur’s cock. Arthur moaned and Merlin circled Arthur’s ear with his tongue before whispering “yep”.

            Arthur opened up Merlin quickly, Merlin riding Arthur’s fingers and spreading himself for Arthur wantonly. As soon as Merlin was ready, he slid onto Arthur with ease. Merlin entwined his fingers with Arthur’s and moved slowly up and down on Arthur, before picking up the pace. It wasn’t long before he could feel Arthur was close but Arthur was holding on for dear life, removing one of his hands from Merlin’s and pumping Merlin’s cock in time with Merlin’s hips. With his hand now free, Merlin ran it down Arthur’s cheek and gently said “Let go, Arthur. It’s okay. You can let go.”

            Arthur’s hips met Merlin’s on every thrust and Arthur came quickly, Merlin following shortly after as he felt Arthur fill him. They collapsed together, Merlin holding Arthur in his arms, and burying himself in Arthur’s scent.

            “I love you” Merlin murmured, running his fingers up and down Arthur’s skin, loving feeling the effect each movement had on him.

            “I love you too” Arthur smiled, pulling himself closer, as if Merlin were his only anchor in a rapidly fleeting world.

* * *

 

 

            Merlin hadn’t seen Arthur practically all week. In the mornings, Arthur was out before Merlin even awoke, and at night Arthur came home late or was asleep by the time Merlin got home from his shifts. Merlin was pulling weird hours, so it really wasn’t either of their faults, but it still hurt to be so far from Arthur for so long. Leaving work Saturday morning, Merlin knew Arthur would be home waiting for him. The beauty of weekends.

            Gwen caught Merlin on the way out. “So today’s it huh?” She smiled at him gently, knowing how nervous Merlin had been for this conversation. It was an ultimatum, more or less. It could be the last time Merlin ever saw Arthur. Though he tried to look at it positively, all Merlin had been thinking about was if Arthur reacted badly.

            He nodded. “Good luck, honey.” She pulled him into a hug. “Just be as blunt as possible. None of that abstract long speech new-age creative stuff. You know how dense he can be.”

            Merlin grinned widely. “Don’t worry; I’ve been practicing” he laughed as he remembered her walking in on him talking to himself in a mirror as she and Lancelot looked for a place to spend some romantic time together. Gwen blushed, remembering the same thing.

            On the walk back, Merlin almost didn’t go to the apartment. He kept freezing, thinking of going to Gwain’s or Percy’s instead. Okay, so things hadn’t been perfect between him and Arthur lately. But they had been going well. No need to shake anything. No need to-

            Where was Arthur? Merlin was in his apartment, the faint smell of burnt toast still lingering in the air, and Arthur wasn’t. Really? Merlin had just began to gain his nerve and now Arthur has the indecency to actually be awake and _not here_ on a Saturday.

            Merlin pulled out his phone. _We need to talk. Come home._ He texted Arthur. Fine. Let him freak out as much as Merlin had been. Merlin shrugged off his work clothes and changed into something nice but comfortable. He was in the middle of rearranging the clothes in his drawers when Arthur ran into the room, looking absolutely panicked.

            “Merlin! Merlin stop!” Arthur got down to where Merlin was sitting with his piles of clothes and held his hands tightly. “Merlin what’s going on? I don’t understand…”

            “Arthur! Arthur calm down. Let’s take a walk. I want to talk to you about something.”

            “Merlin! Listen I know I’ve been gone a lot lately but I can be home more! I promise! I’ll even start cooking you dinners and being there for them! Merlin, just please put the clothes away.”

            “The clothes?”

            “You don’t have to leave. Really! I can….fix stuff. We can talk about it.” Merlin laughed. He felt a little guilty; he had led Arthur on a bit, but in his defense the prat had been gone the one time Merlin really needed him to be in the apartment. Arthur raised his eyebrow.

            “I’m just reorganizing. I’m not going anywhere. Come on, let’s take a walk. I really do need to talk to you.”

            “You’re not leaving me?” Arthur’s shoulders dropped a bit in relief.

            “No. Not so long as you’ll have me. Come on, let’s go to the park. I’ve been wanting to see the gardens recently.”

            “I’m really not up for a walk at the moment. Let’s just stay here. I’ll make lunch.”

            “Come on, Arthur, please?”

            “Why can’t we just stay here? I’m really tired Merlin; I ran all the way here from the market.” Arthur pushed the drawer back in and straddled Merlin’s lap. “Let’s stay here and I can show you how glad I am that you’re not leaving.” Arthur began to kiss Merlin passionately and Merlin lost himself in it, in how good it felt to have Arthur near him, on him, kissing him after a week of barely being able to cuddle at night, let alone have Arthur trace the tendons in his neck with his tongue.

            “Arthur I really need to talk to you.” Merlin gasped, losing his motivation more and more by the minute.

            “Later.”

            Merlin sighed as Arthur’s hands started to travel up his shirt and then grunted as he moved to push Arthur off of him. “No. I really have to do this now.”

            Arthur looked at him in surprise. He took a hold of Merlin’s hands and held them tight. “Merlin? What is it? What’s wrong?”

            “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong at all.” Merlin reassured him lightly, squeezing his hands. Arthur leaned forward.

            “Then why can’t we…”

            “God you’re ruining everything you prat!” Merlin tried to move back but Arthur was holding him tightly. “Arthur, let go.”

            “Merlin-“

            “Let. Go.”  Finally Arthur did as he asked, hugging himself a bit as he moved away from Merlin, looking slightly scared. Merlin looked at him, remembering all the people he had lost in his life: his parents, his sister Morgana, his uncle Agravaine, and yet Arthur always remained so bright in the midst of all of it, so strong. He was everything to Merlin, and Merlin knew right now he was scaring Arthur by not saying anything, but Merlin didn’t know how he would be received, and he needed one last moment to take in Arthur, the boy Merlin had loved since they were kids, the boy Merlin didn’t deserve but who Merlin needed like he was air. “Arthur…” _Be blunt,_ Gwen said. “Will you please just marry me?” The words came out hurried and sometime in the middle of all that Merlin had managed to make himself pull out the box that had been sitting in his pocket for a week now, containing a small golden band, and hold it out to Arthur.

            Arthur’s arms dropped and his mouth hung open. The world stopped for a moment, every bird, every child, every song on the radio, and then all surged forth at once at Arthur kissed Merlin with more love than Merlin could ever ask for and Arthur knew he could give. “Yes, god yes” Arthur said in between kisses. When they finally came up for air, Arthur laughed and hit Merlin lightly. “I thought it was something horrible! You were going to move out or Hunith was really sick or something!”  
            “Sorry it wasn’t more romantic. I tried to get you to the garden but you were being such a prat…” Arthur kissed him.

            “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

            “So were you serious about dinner earlier? Do you even know how to cook?”

            “ _Mer_ lin!”

* * *

 

            “Arthur, love. Come to bed.” Merlin leaned down over the chair to whisper in Arthur’s ear. He held their sleeping daughter, Freya, in his arms. Arthur murmured but didn’t wake. Merlin tried gently to remove her from his arms, but Arthur had locked her in protectively. “Arthur. It’s okay. Let go” He shook Arthur a little and Arthur awoke with a snort.

            “Merlin?”

            “Let go of Freya. I’ll put her to bed and then join you in ours.” Arthur looked down at her hesitantly. She sniffled a bit and then breathed out quietly. He smiled and handed her to Merlin who kissed her lightly and then set her down in her crib.

            Merlin extended his hand to Arthur, who shook his head tiredly. “I think I’ll stay up five more minutes. Just to make sure she’s okay.” Merlin smiled.

            “Fine, then I’m staying up with you. Five more minutes.” Merlin curled up in Arthur’s lap and rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder. They fell asleep like that.

* * *

 

            Arthur’s hair was a light silver and his face held the wrinkles of many moments of laughter. His lips were as soft as Merlin remembered them from their school days, and his eyes never stopped being the purest shade of blue. His heart was beating faintly and irregularly; Merlin could hear it on the machine behind him. Though his training as a doctor made sure he knew enough to sign the “do not resuscitate” order, he had hospitalized Arthur as soon as he had started to have problems breathing. Arthur wanted to go quietly at home, but when it came down to it, Merlin couldn’t lose him. He was Merlin’s best friend, his destiny, the other side of his coin.

            “Stay with me” Merlin cried  “I can’t lose you.” He held Arthur’s hand tightly.

            “It’s okay, Merlin. I love you.”

            “I love you too. Don’t go. Please.”

            “I’ll say hi to Hunith. Come on Merlin, let me go.”

            “Arthur-“

            “Just hold me and…let…go…”


End file.
